I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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