Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
