I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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