So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
