apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
