I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
