...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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