guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Come see our sink grown plant.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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