I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
