Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
