There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
