Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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