You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
