So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
