If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
