It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
