Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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