I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
