Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Semen is not good for contacts.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
