I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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