i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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