but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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