didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
