Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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