Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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