Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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