I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
