Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
