I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If I die, sorry about rent.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
