For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
