I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize