literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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