forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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