My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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