My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
