happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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