you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
