in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
