the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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