Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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