she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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