is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
