Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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