He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
