My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
