everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
