i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
