My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
