His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
