how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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