He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize