what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
