It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I cockslap morals
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
