Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
