Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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