dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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