No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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