i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize