my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
