Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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