Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
