dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
