How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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