I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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