You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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