I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
