We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
