That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
