so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
