Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
