It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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