is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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