Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
