I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
