Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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