The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
