he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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