I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
