I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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