Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
