We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think people are normalizing furries
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
