it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you will always have a special place in my vag
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
