you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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