Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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