i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
